found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
