i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
