1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize