i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
