i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
