News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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