Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize