I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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