Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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