thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
