Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
