how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
