just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
