There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize