Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
