An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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