Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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