I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
