my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
