Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
