I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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