thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
