This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize