i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
