GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
