My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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