I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
