Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
