Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
