My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
