i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
