Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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