why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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