i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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