you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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