I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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