on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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