drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In America we eat man semen.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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