he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize