ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
