I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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