i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize