Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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