Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
