weddingsv make me drug and hornr
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
