Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
