He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
