his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
why do cheetos always look like penises
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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