I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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