Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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