New low: just hacked my moms facebook
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
