Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
