Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
