Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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