dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
