Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
