Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
