While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
