He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You dont lie about slip and slides
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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