i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
