I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
