it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
