you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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