Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
