Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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