that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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