good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
