I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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