my sisters under your porch take her home
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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