When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
