Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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