It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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