3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
