If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
