Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
