On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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