omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
