DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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